emotional sinkholes

A recent Facebook post triggered a host of ideas and issues like a steaming can of worms. 

Toxic family behaviors that are normalized by society - things that can be mentally or emotionally

harmful to one's well-being but have been normalized and socially accepted.

mind matters with Divya Robin - emotional boundaries

In the aftermath of a Donald Trump presidency we have all been left in the wake of the toxic muck and mire his vileness released into a world that has yet recover.

Despite the abundance of love which so many of us have for family members, some may come from families held together by abusive, critical, and manipulative behavior.

Ties turned toxic where the family thrives on negative behavior and relationships in every part of life. How toxic is our family? Here are some potential factors to consider.

1. Gossiping - A supportive, loving family may discuss whoever is absent often to see how they can help out. Being nasty about family members to other family members is toxic behavior though. 

2. Exploiting vulnerability - A parent or sibling knows family members enough to decipher how they tick and discover where triggers are. Toxic family members will abuse what they know about the deepest vulnerabilities to make each other feel bad or embarrass them in front of others. 

3. Restrictiveness or oppression - Toxic families aren’t places of kindness and acceptance. Ready to ridicule and criticize being openly different from what they expect or prefer. 

4. Infighting and competition - When kids have had to vie for parental attention and one child is made to feel better or worse it causes sibling envy and jealousy. If a parent treats children equally with love and affection - not where children have to behave a certain way to be worthy of love - it’s a lot less likely to occur. 

5. Abuse accepted, hidden or excused - Family abuse can be mental, emotional or physical. If abusive behavior is not called out for what it is or we are told to keep quiet about things in order to preserve the family harmony or reputation - the abuser is protected and allowed to get away with their behavior. 

6. Outside the family narrative - Dysfunctional family members create narratives to support their needs - even if it means hiding or denying unacceptable behavior in the past. A created narrative - whether true or not - takes away a dissenter's voice. Adults revisiting what happened as a child and being told it wasn’t that bad, imagined or even a lie is unhealthy. 

7. Volatile or unpredictable environments - When people use each other, play games and manipulate the family unit is built on weak foundations - often creating a volatile and unstable environment. Someone’s favorite one week and in trouble the next - with unreliable or disloyal family members.

drained or uplifted?

A member of a toxic family likely finds themself tired, upset, and confused when around them. 

A gentle reminder when using the term toxic - it is behavior and not the person that's toxic. Noticing toxic or unhealthy behavior is the first step in making a long-term change.

People are capable of change - often only repeating behavior witnessed as a child and not fully conscious of perpetuating the cycle themselves.

A bad habit that can always be interrupted and changed any time.